A Little Worried
I was chatting with a friend earlier today when I realized something I inadvertently did. I was expressing concern over things I have to deal with tomorrow and already fearing and presuming the worst. Today I had to deal with the kid (who I am currently referring to as nimrod as he is annoying me more and more most of the time)
Tomorrow morning I have a 9am Dr appt scheduled for a routine visit that I scheduled since I am back from my vacation. I have a half a dozen things to bring up and I worry about what each one will entail. The thing is, I know this is my first and logical step... to bring things to light and see if there is reason for concern... if fixable... or if beyond hope and just have to grin and bear it. There is nothing I can do until then.... so why waste my time worrying? (I think my overwhelming desire to understand and predict is trying to take over.... but I know how that goes) After my appt, I am going in to work to do a half day and handle table changes and set up for Thursdays ad. Tomorrow I have 2 coworkers (1 older set in his ways who is Trumplike and doesn't mince his thoughts or words.... and the other ... the kid... Nimrod who usually drags unless it is something he likes to do) They don't get along so well... so I worry (BUT REFUSE TO play mediator and babysit) I have enough crap to deal with this week without having more stress and work.
So in effect, I have already convinced myself it will be a bad . scary day tomorrow. Being brave enough to bring things up , but then having to face the consequences on my own is a bit scary... Could use a hand to hold or an encouraging ear.... But I will survive. Usually do. wink. wink
Replies
You will defo survive, let us know how it goes, okay?
I can be an encouraging ear from afar. You have support and you are not alone. You may not have someone physically there at the moment but you have many of us who will support you any way we can.
Wishing you all the best for tomorrow.
Love and hugs,
Kim
Thank you both
Hugs my friend. Try to relax and leave those two alone. When they start and want to drag you into it, Say what I have learned to say "Not a "me" problem. So go away. Or just smile, turn around and walk away. hehehe. It works every time. Boy, I have not heard that term in years. Nimrod. wow.
Just being aware of how the old Kim's ego is working to instill fear in the NEW Kim, will allow you to change direction and stop what it's doing. Be right minded and lean on that part of you that can clearly see that the ego is trying to fill you full of fear. Don't let it!
God Bless
Kim, I get like that too at times. Then once it’s all over I’m so relieved and wished I’d not spent so much time worrying about it. Keeping a good thought for you!
Kim don’t cross the bridges until you get to them. Hugs.
No Cussing !!!! Bad bad thing to do at work....LOL
Call me anytime if you want an ear :) remember to clear your mind with a few slow deep breaths. Our busy minds create so much chatter that we lose peace in the moment. Ignore it and keep it simple. Are you ok right NOW? That’s all that matters.
I am hoping everything goes well and tomorrow ends up being much better than expected. I will be thinking of you. Mindfulness is a great recommendation. When I practice slow breathing before I even get out of bed in the morning things always go better. Why I don't do it everyday I just don't know. Definitely a work in progress!!
Survived the DR appt. Wound up having another meltdown and decided I need to stick with current dosage of antidepressant. Did discuss other issues including anxiety and several others which involve going to more appts with specialists. Going to next steps. For some reason having a very rough time lately. Doing what I need to... but feeling like just going through the motions missing something to really look forward to.
Thank you all for kind thoughts.
look forward to meeting me? hehehe
@bill.. thanks for the offer. That does at least give me a little smile. I'll take it. (wink, wink)
Got through it! Excellent.
For what it’s worth, sometimes grief is a very non linear process and I wonder if some of this is you’re still in the process of grieving. I don’t care if he was not the person you hoped or that perhaps you were going to possibly divorce him in the future. None of that matters when it comes to the loss of someone you were with a long time. It’s still a deep loss.
Plus, it’s on top of managing your day to day life. It’s a lot for anyone.
Might be really helpful to you see a therapist if you aren’t currently. Just something to consider.
I believe you are right. I have had a few days where I am remembering his last night here and how things went.
Then growing closer to another man who is also not to be here in my life.... I feel like I am grieving twice...plus having to go through cleaning out the house and memories.... Take care of repairs....and deal with my health stuff....and all on my own. It's very hard....and incredibly lonely and overwhelming.