a calm and a pain

Turns out my ex couldnt make it to the party last night! Im a little happy and so relieved because I knew I would have punched him. And that right there is the biggest reality kicker. I still need time to go through the grieving stages, I still need time to learn to let go and completely not care anymore. I've been doing so well so far, I had a bad feeling seeing him would make me fall back a few steps. For now, I just gotta keep telling myself, I'm working on myself, he's already thrown hisself at another girl probably hoping she's  " the one" all over again and not even bothering to realize he needs emotional help too.

 I am far more patient than him and unlike all the times when he got mad and yelled at me for not being brave, I'm already braver than him. I sought help and I've been sticking with it. I've been learning new habits, making new friends and acknowledging that my flaws may be there but I'm not lazy or vain like him. I wont convince myself that they will go away if I ignore the problems like he does.

He may have his life in order financially and physically but I'm doing far better mentally and emotionally.