Wednesday
Today is the day I see "Ken",my tdoc. I haven't seen him for 2 weeks and it's been a very difficult time. I know that God wants to make me so I depend on Him alone instead of running to people all the time (with the exception of Ken lol). Shirl just called and we talked for about a half hour. Her hubby is feeling really poorly these days,plus he got a speeding ticket the other day. Shirl's son Mack was up from Florida for a few days,and it was a great visit,which I was glad to hear.
I was remembering something today...after Don died,I didn't "snap out of it" as quickly as my so-called friends (yes,some of them Christians)thought I should ,and I started seeing a therapist once a week. He was the only person I'd talk to all week,with the exception of grocery store clerks,the mailman etc. When I signed myself into a hospital, I thought a really crazy thing: as badly as I felt,I knew I'd never been closer to God in my entire life. Later that year, I bought the Amy Grant CD "House of Love",which had a song I particularly liked called "Oh How the Years Go By". It was a love song about her marriage to Gary Chapman,but the bridge was the part I would sing, "I'm there for You and I know You're there for me."It may not seem like it,but Ken says I'm making tremendous progress. My favorite time of the day is at sunset,when I lie on my bed and just talk to God. I never hear an audible voice,and I can't see or touch Him,but He is still my best Friend in the world.
For some time I've had a hard time waking up in the morning. Actually it's about 3 in the afternoon and I could take a nap right now,but I have to see Ken at 4. It's too bad I have to feel so lousy every morning. I used to enjoy getting up early,drinking coffee and meditating. Now I get up around 8 and the caregiver who was on duty today commented that I've been sleeping later and later (I have to take my medication between 7 and 9 a.m). You know what they say about opinions,right? LOL Anyway she won't be working here much longer. She got another job.
I've been pretending everything is OK when it's not. This house is just another way to make money off someone else's pain. I've run into that before when I started dealing with psychiatrists and psychologists. But in one of God's and my recent conversations, He reminded me of the apostle Paul and all the wonderful letters he wrote when he was in a cold,dark prison cell. This place is better than jail,after all (but that's not saying a whole lot LOL).
Got to go. See ya later.
I was remembering something today...after Don died,I didn't "snap out of it" as quickly as my so-called friends (yes,some of them Christians)thought I should ,and I started seeing a therapist once a week. He was the only person I'd talk to all week,with the exception of grocery store clerks,the mailman etc. When I signed myself into a hospital, I thought a really crazy thing: as badly as I felt,I knew I'd never been closer to God in my entire life. Later that year, I bought the Amy Grant CD "House of Love",which had a song I particularly liked called "Oh How the Years Go By". It was a love song about her marriage to Gary Chapman,but the bridge was the part I would sing, "I'm there for You and I know You're there for me."It may not seem like it,but Ken says I'm making tremendous progress. My favorite time of the day is at sunset,when I lie on my bed and just talk to God. I never hear an audible voice,and I can't see or touch Him,but He is still my best Friend in the world.
For some time I've had a hard time waking up in the morning. Actually it's about 3 in the afternoon and I could take a nap right now,but I have to see Ken at 4. It's too bad I have to feel so lousy every morning. I used to enjoy getting up early,drinking coffee and meditating. Now I get up around 8 and the caregiver who was on duty today commented that I've been sleeping later and later (I have to take my medication between 7 and 9 a.m). You know what they say about opinions,right? LOL Anyway she won't be working here much longer. She got another job.
I've been pretending everything is OK when it's not. This house is just another way to make money off someone else's pain. I've run into that before when I started dealing with psychiatrists and psychologists. But in one of God's and my recent conversations, He reminded me of the apostle Paul and all the wonderful letters he wrote when he was in a cold,dark prison cell. This place is better than jail,after all (but that's not saying a whole lot LOL).
Got to go. See ya later.
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