Why

The dichotomy of my life is that I'm a Christian but I'm full of fear,and full of guilt because I know I'm supposed to have faith.
What's happening now is that it's after midnight and I'm still awake. I very much want to go to church in the morning,but only if I get enough sleep. I did lie down earlier,but my excitement about church is,ironically,what's keeping me awake.
One of the things I feel that God is dealing with me about is the fact that I'm easily hurt emotionally and quick to take offense. He's been dealing with me about gossip,too. I love my own personal Bible study,and I feel very close to God. That's really all that matters in life,right?So why am I still afraid? Right now I'm afraid to miss church and that if I do,God will be angry with me and think up a way to punish me. That's another thing: every time something goes wrong,I always think I'm being punished. I don't think God punishes that way,but I'm having trouble transferring that comforting knowledge from my head to my heart.