still anxiety
i tryed to shake it off
by doing actions
i thought if i do everything that there is to do i will feel free
so i did
i did all of them that i could ...the worste ones
but each one didnt leave me any better
i still have the feeling that something is wrong
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also now decided not to buy the car
i had a car in mind as a target
.i saw it on ebay
and it became a target get the money
buy that car
but the milage is way to high
so i have had to scrap the idea
..i still need a car
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in work emails i let a few i's in lines go
because it looks to freaky and i dont want people noticing
it
..i notice them and i feel worried when they show up
but i guess its ok
here i can avoid all i like ...
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spent 2 days working on an idea
that does not work ...so wasted time
shame ...i loose a lot of time like that on things people never see.
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a few back ground axietys about things i make and sell
but i can ride it out i think.
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sat here looking at my room carpet
i remember almost 2 years ago crying
..i cryed for more than a week
every night id cry for hours
and some how i still thought i was ok
looking back i really was not ok