bit drunk
very lost
i have no path
i have a lots to be thankful for really
i dont have joy
.i feel alone but in a way that is bigger then someone
next to me .
im even god less
these days i have someone who wants me as a physical thing
but really its no great thing
its just a function.
i have a church type who misses me
and in fact i miss her too
but that is so un workable to
so im wanted .
i have 1 or 2 friends
so i have friends
i even talk to ex's
so i have comuication of a sort
not always the best thing .
i have things ive bought and are ment to be good to have .
but im still dead
i have nothing still
what is this hole
its so empty to be here



I can be in a house full of 10 people and still feel this empty alone dead feeling. Its the feeling that you need to be understood and cared for not just wanted . Physically being with someone is so different than the emotional high one gets from the feeling of sharing yourself with someone on a more personal level. Its very hard for me to get to that point because ive built walls to keep people at a safe distance so i dont have to feel the pain of things when it all goes bad. Im working to take those walls down to let more people in my life. HugggzZz

you are right

yeah, i know that feeling. when i started using drugs, alcohol, and when
i was married too. be in a whole party thirty people there. and i\'d feel like
i was all by myself. i built a lot of walls up since my childhood. up until a
last year. i confronted my dad. walls are mechanisms. and you feel a lot
better once you can bring em down. actually feel naked in a way...

I feel like that anywhere I go...could be at work or a party or at home...I just feel like I don\'t belong anywhere and nobody would care if I was there or not.

its not good