still getting a flow of emails
from USA  girl all about him
and how great it is ect
also how many millions he is worth
...i feel a real odd sence of rejection
how can i even feel i stood a chance when
the guy she runs after is a pop star with millions
..its a bit like when women say there ex became gay
its like ,,,i dont even have a logical
responce to someome with that much buying power
..her talk is all about flights to miami
the uk and tours
..part of me is saying if i were really loved  
she would not give that a 2nd glance so its ok
..i know she does not love me
she went for the money and thrills
..but she still puts digs in the emails aimed at me
saying i was to chicken shit to go there for a holliday
(it wasnt a holliday to me it was to meet her)
and also saying i find ways to sobotarge my relationships.
..this is all to do with huge amounts of money
and her need to be linked to fame
yes im luky to have not fallen further into all this
but i sure am getting it slamed in my face
how the hell do i get into such STUPID IMPOSSIBLE SITUATIONS !
even my turkish ex has become a small TV star
how the fuck does this happen
what is my roll in all this
where the fuck am i going
yes i know i should not feel affected by this
but i do
its awful having an ex saying how great things are now
that your not there ...but this is ..hi im living a life that is
something you will never have and can only dream of
so so far beyond what i can ever have
if there is a god and hes trying to teach me something
.i have no idea where its going ..
so far my life is one really crule joke