have had a nose dive weekend
started with a huge emotional shut down
huge anxiety at work felt i was going to pass out
got very argumentitive .
today not so bad because ive been alone .
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just been looking at the way my back moves in a mirror
i cant arch back ward
straight up is as good as it gets
my lower spine still does not bend.
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sent an email to a friend tonight talking about
eye contact and admited i even have trouble with pictuers of faces on magazine covers
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im feeling old and fat tonight 
im not that bad but im not what i was 5 years ago thats a fact