went to the cinema film was ok but not great....ok though.
strange feeling about all this now its all a bit furstrated housewife like tomorrow night is the last of the spare time for about 2 weeksso that will put a new twist on it all.it has an odd twist now ...its all so very (dont even think)all like auto pilot ...dont mix emotions with this
Its really odd not having the natural linkthat makes things feel secure this feels more like holliday fling.
its like having all the trimings of a relationshipbut no center to it.
after all the complex shit thats hit me i thought  this would be really simple.
tonight she had a CD on and one of the trackshad words that made me question everything it was all about being there for you and always being there and the one you love and i thought. I still do not have that .its like still being with someone you have split with.
most men would say shut up you have it made .maybe its what they are used to.
Im used to being able to give more of myself and feeling love.But there again ....all the stuff i thought was reall was all just window dressing anyway
I have no idea what i want ...or what is realin life,that is actually possible.... not just romantic imagination
so really the worry is i know this is going to go nowhere I still need to find the right person.