went to the cinema film was ok but not great....ok though.
strange feeling about all this now its all a bit furstrated housewife like tomorrow night is the last of the spare time for about 2 weeksso that will put a new twist on it all.it has an odd twist now ...its all so very (dont even think)all like auto pilot ...dont mix emotions with this
Its really odd not having the natural linkthat makes things feel secure this feels more like holliday fling.
its like having all the trimings of a relationshipbut no center to it.
after all the complex shit thats hit me i thought this would be really simple.
tonight she had a CD on and one of the trackshad words that made me question everything it was all about being there for you and always being there and the one you love and i thought. I still do not have that .its like still being with someone you have split with.
most men would say shut up you have it made .maybe its what they are used to.
Im used to being able to give more of myself and feeling love.But there again ....all the stuff i thought was reall was all just window dressing anyway
I have no idea what i want ...or what is realin life,that is actually possible.... not just romantic imagination
so really the worry is i know this is going to go nowhere I still need to find the right person.
strange feeling about all this now its all a bit furstrated housewife like tomorrow night is the last of the spare time for about 2 weeksso that will put a new twist on it all.it has an odd twist now ...its all so very (dont even think)all like auto pilot ...dont mix emotions with this
Its really odd not having the natural linkthat makes things feel secure this feels more like holliday fling.
its like having all the trimings of a relationshipbut no center to it.
after all the complex shit thats hit me i thought this would be really simple.
tonight she had a CD on and one of the trackshad words that made me question everything it was all about being there for you and always being there and the one you love and i thought. I still do not have that .its like still being with someone you have split with.
most men would say shut up you have it made .maybe its what they are used to.
Im used to being able to give more of myself and feeling love.But there again ....all the stuff i thought was reall was all just window dressing anyway
I have no idea what i want ...or what is realin life,that is actually possible.... not just romantic imagination
so really the worry is i know this is going to go nowhere I still need to find the right person.
Replies
\"most men would say shut up you have it made .
maybe its what they are used to.\"
You are not most men. Don\'t compare.
How do you KNOW it\'s not going anywhere?
It sounds like you are starting to get uncomfortable.
I am not sure if it\'s because you don\'t see it going anywhere
or because you do want it to go somewhere.
Maybe you don\'t know the answer either?
How about focusing on the small things?
last few days ive shut down as a person
it has been noticed a lot
i wonder why you are shutting down.
something is causing that. and i don\'t think it\'s you.
you are responding to whatever it is.
you are responding to whatever it is....
you are so right ,,,even though your 1000s of miles away
you know that ....
you do know me more than most ever could
i have a feeling that i have changed
something has sliped
i am less stressed by things but
only because i have had to accept
that i care less
ive had to accept that the world isnt the way i wanted
or people
im older and dreams didnt work out
.i will have to take what ever just falls my way.
something ended ...and the game is just simple now
yes part of me did die so have to reset to what is left