deleted_user 10/04/2010
you do have mental issues. We all do.

It\'s just that you are aware of yours. you also
have great gifts because of those mental issues.

how did you get blamed?

you are very good at communicating in a short amount of words.
do you know that?

alantm 10/06/2010
im a bit worn down to type
.its been up and down so much
must be 4 times i almost bought the ticket
nearly did today
but by the end of the day i feel a fool
she has had a life of big citys
i am from a small pace with a duck pond
today she talked about an ex she stopped seeing
because he wasnt exciting
shes been out with drug using rock stars
im just a guy from a small pace
where nothing happens
im sick of jumping through hoops to be loved

alantm 10/06/2010
to worn out to type more

deleted_user 10/07/2010
remember... you need to feel safe.

alantm 10/07/2010
keep thinking buy the ticket
then feel its wrong

deleted_user 10/09/2010
hmmm. to me, that is a sign you are not ready.

it takes time to build trust.
maybe you don\'t trust her yet?
or yourself, for that matter.

alantm 10/09/2010
a lot of this is to do with me
i really do now feel like a fuck up
.if i were more normal this would not have been a huge mess
but really how the hell can i even try to date someone 5700 miles away
all tat is bending my grip on reality
and what i can cope with

deleted_user 10/10/2010
you are the center of your universe.
stop fighting it. Be selfish.
especially here. in your journal.

you ARE normal. seriously.
what do you think is so wrong with you?
lets try and figure it out.

dating someone 5700 miles away is
a great idea, in my opinion. it\'s safe right now.
you need safety.