so if i can say what i like
feeling alone
feeling still un wanted
not special
un noticed
and time is passing by
i want to be loved
but i cant  find anyone who thinks about me
saving up stupid money when
really i feel quite fatal istic
if i were to die it would
seem more logical than a suprize



i think it\'s a perfect time to save up money.
saving money is important. very much so.
keep going in that direction if it helps with self esteem.

someone has really done a big time number on yours.

death is totally logical. of course. it\'s also inevitable.
one day, you will die. sweet, sweet death. I welcome it!

i would hate to lose you. I lost a dear friend once.
the battle was too big for him.

you\'ve really got me thinking about depression these days
(along with my therapist, who has asked me to define

i visualize you as separate from your depression, only
you can\'t see it. it\'s like a big dark cloud that needs
to be cleared away because it\'s starting
to fog your thoughts. like a parasite
that is taking over.

it\'s causing great pain.
and it just might kill you if we don\'t
somehow detach it.

i am separate from depression
because i can see it
i do see it hanging on me
my self worth is quite smashed up
in fact i dont even think i know where im heading
.i dont know what it is to be full of self worth
so i dont even know where im ment to be going
feeling wise

you are wise. one of the wisest people i know.

i don\'t know what it\'s like to be full of self worth either.
i also am working on self esteem.

i wonder if people ever really feel full of self esteem all the time?
maybe it comes and goes?

I think a self-confident person would fade in the background.
they wouldn\'t need any external attention
to boost it up.

maybe they do fake it
you have a lot of i\'s in rows

it looks really odd dont you think ???

i never even noticed.

it looks self-centered.

or maybe you see people who are confident in one area
and then think they are full of self-esteem?

like a pretty girl who is secure with her appearance.
she may be confident about her looks but not
about being a drummer or writing an essay.

the tough thing about appearance is that it fades.
we get old.

hopes fade as we get old
everything is fading

except awareness.

apparently awareness continues to grow
with age.

i\'m trying to enjoy it but the other things are

im in an odd state where i have targgets that must be met
so much that i dont have much chance to feel
i do feel less of a person
the working to much is almost like a medication to turn off any emotion i have