so if i can say what i like
 
feeling alone
feeling still un wanted
not special
un noticed
and time is passing by
i want to be loved
but i cant  find anyone who thinks about me
saving up stupid money when
really i feel quite fatal istic
if i were to die it would
seem more logical than a suprize
 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

i think it\'s a perfect time to save up money.
saving money is important. very much so.
keep going in that direction if it helps with self esteem.

someone has really done a big time number on yours.

death is totally logical. of course. it\'s also inevitable.
one day, you will die. sweet, sweet death. I welcome it!

i would hate to lose you. I lost a dear friend once.
the battle was too big for him.

you\'ve really got me thinking about depression these days
(along with my therapist, who has asked me to define
it)

i visualize you as separate from your depression, only
you can\'t see it. it\'s like a big dark cloud that needs
to be cleared away because it\'s starting
to fog your thoughts. like a parasite
that is taking over.

it\'s causing great pain.
and it just might kill you if we don\'t
somehow detach it.
alantm
alantm

i am separate from depression
because i can see it
i do see it hanging on me
my self worth is quite smashed up
in fact i dont even think i know where im heading
.i dont know what it is to be full of self worth
so i dont even know where im ment to be going
feeling wise
deleted_user
deleted_user

you are wise. one of the wisest people i know.

i don\'t know what it\'s like to be full of self worth either.
i also am working on self esteem.

i wonder if people ever really feel full of self esteem all the time?
maybe it comes and goes?

I think a self-confident person would fade in the background.
they wouldn\'t need any external attention
to boost it up.
alantm
alantm

maybe they do fake it
you have a lot of i\'s in rows

it looks really odd dont you think ???
deleted_user
deleted_user

i never even noticed.

it looks self-centered.

or maybe you see people who are confident in one area
and then think they are full of self-esteem?

like a pretty girl who is secure with her appearance.
she may be confident about her looks but not
about being a drummer or writing an essay.


the tough thing about appearance is that it fades.
we get old.
alantm
alantm

hopes fade as we get old
everything is fading
deleted_user
deleted_user

except awareness.

apparently awareness continues to grow
with age.

i\'m trying to enjoy it but the other things are
overshadowing.
alantm
alantm

im in an odd state where i have targgets that must be met
so much that i dont have much chance to feel
i do feel less of a person
the working to much is almost like a medication to turn off any emotion i have