how do i feel ?
i dont even feel like me
.im just chasing a target



do you feel numb? i feel numb a lot.

it\'s confusing to try and put the past
to rest when there is so much propoganda about
how \'this moment\' is all we have.

what target are you chasing?
the perfect \'you\'?

what if you are already fine and
it\'s circumstances that are bad?

im just chasing money
its a target that is just fixed
and wont run off

yes. you are. but it\'s also
a great way to
take care of yourself.

it\'s smart.

culture values money - then use it
to your advantage.

you said it helps with self-esteem

and self-esteem is boosted by money.

that is all. it\'s separate from all
the depression and loneliness -
which is trying to seep its
nasty way into
every aspect
of your life.

yes money targets are like a by pass to life
i wanted to hit 700 at the start of this week
so ive pushed and pushed to beat monday as an end of week target
i dont have days off
.i hit 1191+plus the show i did = 1281
thats my biggest income ever
i think that beat my fathers best wage
so in a way that gives me some sence of self value
for my work
its a shame in all the years of being a good person
.i have felt no worth
but as soon as im given a number i become
worth something
maybe im just becoming like everyone else

i think maybe that is it.

others usually get self esteem from others. don\'t you think?

becoming like everyone else will definitely
alleviate loneliness. nice work!

its just being shallow i think