deleted_user 08/19/2010
I have often though of money as a game. Just like monopoly.

It is man-made. A piece of paper.

I would like to suggest you take some
of this money and invest in your health.

Get weekly massage or acupuncture or reiki or
something to help with the leg pain and
the emotional pain.

alantm 08/19/2010
money is just paper
the way my money comes in now its just digital
a number on a screen

Im up to 646
i made 340 in the last 24 hours !
..i feel odd
this money has a strange feeling to it
its helping my confidence
.i also dont feel so stupid

now im feeling how dare they look down on me
even today at the post office i got told why dont you get a normal job

fine if i want to half my in come
-no band work in for this week that would have boosted my income more
im looking at money as way to be of worth

i have nothing else in my life
and i know how driven i can be
before making things was a target
now its how much can i bank
thats scary
i can get really fixated

alantm 08/19/2010
with a better income i dont need to play
so me being ill does not matter like before

deleted_user 08/21/2010
i\'m cheering you on!

i am reading your journal backwards, so it won\'t
make sense in the next entry when i
ask if you can do this instead of drumming.

alantm 08/21/2010
strange thing letting go of
my creative side
its what ive done from 9 years old
.i never thought it would just vanish from me
i would hate to run into people that knew me while i was on top
,i used to be one of the best