thoughts
a big part of me has given up
i do feel hurt
but its like accepting i have lost a finger or something
its a fact
went to the river again tonight
by the new bridge
the weather was nice
i tryed to assess
everything
i thought its like another country
new start
but it didnt work
i thought what can bring me peace
and i couldnt find it
sat by the river
the silence was huge
i cant win
.it was silent there
when im in a crowed
i hear silence
,i really cant escape
all i hear is internal
and its solitude
the outside world is just images
i feel alone today
while sat at the river i thought i best leave
people may think im there to jump in
also it was quite remote and i may get attacked
a big part of me has given up
i do feel hurt
but its like accepting i have lost a finger or something
its a fact
went to the river again tonight
by the new bridge
the weather was nice
i tryed to assess
everything
i thought its like another country
new start
but it didnt work
i thought what can bring me peace
and i couldnt find it
sat by the river
the silence was huge
i cant win
.it was silent there
when im in a crowed
i hear silence
,i really cant escape
all i hear is internal
and its solitude
the outside world is just images
i feel alone today
while sat at the river i thought i best leave
people may think im there to jump in
also it was quite remote and i may get attacked
Replies
\"but its like accepting i have lost a finger or something\"
it takes years for people to get to that stage.
i am still working hard on it. acceptance.
acceptance is a great place to get to.
it\'s like joining with reality.
no more
lies to yourself.
you can start to trust.
maybe even trust for the first time in your life.
i love this journal entry.
when i go quiet and try to find stillness,
i feel intense pain.
i keep asking myself \'what is at the source of this pain?\"
and i never get an answer.
it\'s hard to explain that to other people who
tell you that you can heal or you just
have to work harder to feel better.
you are doing more to try and feel better
than most people have the guts to do.
I think you will find an answer.
I think you will be able to have moments of peace
sooner than you think.
I also think you may always have periods of
depression, too. But you will have
expert skills at coping with it.
i dont want to cope
.im sick of living like that