worn out its all catching up
today lots of hard work
i accidentaly stabbed my hand with a sharp knife
.it was an accident
it went right in to my palm
really deep
but i used super glue to fix myself up
when i bought the knifes i thought about how
these knifes ment something else
i never dreamt id be cut so deep a day later
im worn out working on stuff
axietiy about what i do also
plus the church girl has put me in a different stress
that is a s stess but at least it not as bad as the other one
but tonight i talked to her on her face book page
but she erased everything i said
so i felt rejected again
all my local????
have backed off
they are all in silence
this is a very odd time
and i have no where to turn



You know, sometimes it\'s not a good idea
to run to friends. Maybe it\'s a good time to
take a break from them.

I learned a long time ago it\'s best to only talk with those
who understand.

I\'d love to know what the knives meant when you bought them.

You have a couple places to turn:


and a Dr.

I think some meds or some supplement will help with
the depression you experience.

Other than that, you are doing lots to battle it.
You are writing quite a bit here.
And you are reaching out.
Those are pretty good self-care tactics. Well done!

the buying the knife set was ....
they were like the set id have in my room
when the ciutting times were strong.
i need to cling to something outside myself
the things i see are not good ...and i cant see any reasons to it all
i think that a lot and talk to myself aloud about it
saying i dont get it
i dont get any of this

.i dont beleive in a jesus ect
i dont even really try and think about anything to do with anything
around me
its all just beyond me
.im to lost fighting my own battle here in side

im very worn down but cant seem to find a way to reset myself
.ive had a few thoughts about doctors on and off
but i really dont want to find myself at that door again

it never did help me at all
.i dont see myself as depressed at all
i just feel i see things very clear
.in some ways i feel i see more and thats all it is

Your self awareness is remarkable.
\"I need to cling to something outside myself\"

battle inside. how about choosing a side and sticking with it?
or admitting defeat?

i want to know more about the war inside.
is it good vs. bad?
is it sad vs. happy?

many depressed people are HIGHLY intelligent
and self aware.

Winston Churchill would get severely depressed.

dr\'s cannot cure depression yet. they can only help
you cope with it. coping is the key, I think.

going to the dr. is HARD. it\'s hard to admit
you are depressed. a good dr. will know that.

some people believe that depression and \'seeing more\' go
hand in hand.

there is lots of awful in the world.

the inside fight is how detached i am
from the world and the fact i know that emotions i have are trapped
in side myself
and by outside factors are nothing at all
alot of these feelings have an image of me as a child finding all
this out

at one point i was an open book
but then realised how the world is
im in a box
i guess when i die il be burnt and i wont be in a box for the first time
but ill be dead and that wont count
the isolation of being born into a tube is really bad its like a million words no one heard a thousand books no one read

i feel like a small boat at sea
.i will sink one day

odd but i do feel like death isnt far off
i think that in the car on short trips

i think some times what if i do cut myself
then what
would the stress back off >>
i have no idea
.i am alone with this
i cant see anyother way

if the emotions are trapped, there has to
be a way to free them.

the past lives inside of us.
the feelings from the past are still there.

i\'ll bet the cutting allowed the feelings to flow
out with the blood? do you think?
or is it just a way to stop the feelings. to distract?

what if you got tattoos instead of cutting?
are there places that will give scar tattoos? like tribal?
maybe that is the avenue that will
provide some relief.

when were you an open book?
most people are born that way.
children are sort of open books.
then they learn to keep stuff hidden.

i know you FEEL alone
but the feelings you have
are quite normal. many, many, many
people have felt the way you do.
you are human.