i had hoped to spend my life with a nice girl
as a wife even
i never thought i would spend my life alone
but really i always did think i would be
and i am



right. i get that.

the desires and the beliefs are so separate.

i think it\'s a perception problem.

i think getting to the bottom of why you always think you\'ll
be alone is key.

perhaps it\'s just because you were lonely as a child?

you have a lot going for you.
ladies love musicians.
you are a man, and men can date a wider age range.
you have much time left to figure things out.

i have done lots of things i never thought would happen.
i\'ve seen things that blew my mind.
like 40 000 people watching women play soccer.

even though you FEEL like you\'ll be alone,
you likely won\'t.

you have a false belief that stems from childhood?

i have had a lot of training that i will be alone
and a lot of proof ,and a lot of things have been said ,half said half looks avoided subjects ,people leaving people lieing and the massivefact things are as they are
and have been as they are and are as they are

okay, so then what have you learned from all this?

I don\'t think it\'s that you are going to be alone.

I think it\'s that you were looking in the wrong place,
for the wrong person, and the wrong thing.

life is just the confusing thing it is
how the hell do you say look for this look for that
its just stuff that comes a long

this latest bail out by what was my friend ?????
i never did her harm

just adds to the bail out of church girl
and turkish ex who hasnt said a word since i said how she needed
to do her computer music problem

my turkish girl was so sexy
and so much fun and i had a view of a new life that was way more than anything i can pictuer now
its all down hill now
yes im working lots
i have some money for my massive efforrts
but really life is shit and its all gone
and i wont get back any of the past
and i wont find some one as atractive as i found her
and im getting old
and im pissed off
all i do is work
life went by a few years ago
and that was the one shot
and it died
now its all going to be the drag to the death of it all

yes this is a dead post yes i should be more

i should type nice things and people will like me
but where would i say what i feel if its not here

I think too many people are too nice.

All down hill now. Yup. Then we die. Life
is stupid that way.

What had you imagined the future would be like?