my close? friend has stopped talking to me because i said im to ill to work
shes taken it as a personal dig at her ?????????????
that just shows how fucked up everything is
yes i am by myself



it just shows how fucked up SHE is.

Not everything. And certainly not you.

okay, maybe i\'m wrong. i got a little angry at her.

sometimes people do this because they are scared.
maybe she has lost someone before to depression.
maybe she feels powerless to help.
that is why people usually react in such an insensitive
and self-protective manner.

it\'s not you. don\'t start thinking that way.

its been a week and not a word
she would call me at least 2 times aday
its because after the last job
i put an add out for 20minssaying dep wanted
because i may need a few gigs covering

that night i was so worn out i couldnt finnish the set
it was so she would be covered if i were to ill
.instead i get blanked

something weird is going on then.

does she know this is what you were doing?

either there is a misunderstanding or
she is one selfish person.

don\'t, for one minute, think that you deserve this.

When she would call you, was it all about HER?

she did use to ask about how i am
she is like this
hard as nails and aswers till something goes another way to what she wants
and then acts like a kid

im having quite a hard time on my own
all i do is work so hard
i have no love
or personal life
it really is hard
times im not forcing myself to work i find myself
almost crying
that cant be good

outside working my emotions are very easily broken
i have thought of emailing a few people i know
to try and talk about it
but i really know they dont care
so i stop myself
i have had my phone off most of the week
or dont answer texts

its just people making it more complex
.i feel i have my head in the ground

you want to isolate?

isolation is normal. it helps avoid secondary wounding.
phone off, text off. work all the time.

it sounds like the emotions are very close to the surface.
crying is good. very good. it\'s cleansing. why else
would salt water leak from our eyes?

they may care but feel powerless to help.
you are likely wiser and more insightful than they are.
maybe it scares them when you reach out.

head in the ground for now is okay.
it\'s self protection.

im not smart at all
i just do my work and pass my time
thats it i just pass time
time passes and then ill just drop dead and it really is for nothing
and thas all there is
why do i even try to reason any of this
its all pointless