datting really isnt working out so simple detached datting isnt working if you dont fancy them  she knows i dont have attachment also trying to live like that just leaves you emotionaly empty its like going shopping  there is no up lifting highit just makes like even more like a swamp  im quite low my ex rang in the end to tell me how great her life is going the call was 3 days late no replys and the reply was all about her  im f cking sunk really fooling myself to much  



so lets figure out WHY you fool yourself.
i think that might be the key.

when you write about her, i get a sense
that you feel totally powerless in your
relatoinship with her.

is doubts about pushing myself forward as a sexual object only
.im trying to be just a physical person
i feel i will shock you by this
or even lose friends
because ive tryed to switch who i am

emotion has got me know where
emotionless has had a few steps
but ive got know where new really

to get here i realise ive been abandonded a lot
why else see someone with out any love at all
its a big compromise
.its fake
im trying to by pass emotional and go direct physical
but ive faild at that to

im just starting to think am i acting out a side affect of derpression
can be an issue
not that ive manged to get up to anything to rude
i have been trying my hardest
or at least putting myself in that situation as much as possible

i do feel im damaged right now
.i am so destroyed buy everything
i feel i wont be right for years

so what the hell do i do