today i left the house telling no one just to get away and by the evening i was 100 miles away at a very small church in the middle of nowhere for 3 hours a place id never been before i got asked why and how i had come i said i didnt set off to come here .i just got here by a random chain of events it was quiet emotionaly hard .ive been very defencive a man and woman were going round the people hugging them and blessing them it was noticed i was holding my coat very nervous on the point of running out the door at a few points i would have left if it wasnt so obivus this hasnt made things any more simple it shows my distance .ive pushed mysel in more harms way tomorrow i said id meet that woman that desicion is as crazy as todays this could be far more damaging if i cant copebut i have to find out who i am
Replies
why is today\'s decision crazy?
I think it\'s way AWESOME.
You reached out.
I think that you should be congratulated.
I know it\'s hard to reach out to people when
you feel so awful.
this church sounds really nice.
i also don\'t think your decision to
meet this woman is crazy.
i think it\'s smart.
you are trying to alleviate
the loneliness you feel.
why would that be crazy?
you can cope. i know you can cope.
it may not be easy but you\'ve
survived some pretty awful hardships.
which should remind you how strong you are.
let me know how it goes.
crazy situations
but this is how i see it
church one day followed by totall smutt hmmmm
you would think not be on the same page
but it is
its like 2 roads
.its even like to extream roads side by side
maybe i set this up to happen?
i think i did in a way
.ive never been on a date where i wasnt in love at all
for years ive never understood what i saw happening around me
with relationships
how can they be so screwed up
not care ,people cheat ect
now its very clear
its just people setting up situations for there advantage
thats how they see it
this is all odd for me
also this date who doesnt want ties
is desprate for them really
ive been asked to move things up alot
but now i feel i may have to really back off
physicaly i really do need to push doors open
it would do me a lot of good
but
i cant get trapped with someone needing me that i dont love
its bad all round
odd while in church i was listening to the speaches
about choices and paths
but also thinking
are these the paths given to me to try?
its like the joke about the guy on the cliff waiting for god to help him
and passes up help from the boat and hellicoptor
and falls to his death
and he says god why didnt you help me
and god says i sent a boat and hellicopter
thats how i feel