mum was trying to read something from the paper todayit was very hard for her she is worse than i am i thought how she didnt read storys to me as a kid  dad never did    the only person that spent any time by my bed said was that bitch  she came up in converstion the other day between mum and dad and i sat in silence listening waiting for some kind of fight to start but no silence followed there have been a few conversations over the last few weeks from my dad about family ties are nothing our kids eg me !!! and sister are not of any concern they are like people next door  al my life ive wanted to be in a family that i thought loved me  and still i hear all this talk of  your nothing im like a f cking orphan and i thought it was my fault for being so distant its them as well god i so want to feel loved  everyone has put such a big distance in my life