awful night dreaming bad stuff  i was screaming at my mum and day why did you do this why did you do that it upset me so much it was just like when i was ill before a long time ago i know but it was the same stuff i just got away with not cutting last night i was so close even todaytoday was awfull tonight was worse than the day  i dont even know what feeling im getting its one i had when i was in love with louise but now im in love with no one i just get this terrable empty feeling or like im dieing or something  its like i used to have but now it leaves me questioning what i felt in the past i thought it was a torn from love feeling before but now i have it and i am inisolationso was i feeling so much confusion before  the idea of cutting my self up these days seems like an easy way out i cant join SI group because it full of fruit loops that would say yes get on with itgod its nuts