scared  of what ive been building up a lot of equipment for a joba self employed jobim getting close to having everything i needwithin reason and its the whole idea of actualy doing the jobthat is scary i sort of feel that i dont ever want the getting the stuff together part to endbecause i'll have to do it  its a bit like the show work ive done in the past but i have to find work myselfand even then its normaly weeks and weeks till the dayof the eventits all this long drawn out way of it id rather it be quick and over withi dont like dealing with people over a long time id rather be in and out  part of me says i could do this easy and part of me knows there are big tecnical things that can back fire also its good paybut also i dont really have an idea of how much work i could even get going ahead with all this is from when my legs were hurtting so muchand i couldnt do music  this has been a very slow process  but i have spent a lot to get to this point i could sell everything but where does that put me ?ill have the money back but what will i do as a target right now i only have this targeti wish i had a better target