just had a dream where i was trying to be part of a show and a fat guy who seemed to be the boss was very abusive to everyone he started to pick on me verbal abuse at a distencethe he got closer holding on to make making it hard to move and still being awfull to everyonethen about what sexual acts he was going make us do  i was fighting back i pushed him hard and he fell off the stage people were worried as i did that but thought i dont care what ever happens he deserves it as he fell he grabed my legs and i was pull off with him  we fell quite far he hit the ground but being dragged ment i landed on top of him with my feet i think i killed him but it wasnt my fault i was falling and cant change where i landedhe pulled me   -----the fat guy in charge of a show the only person i knew like that was an agent who was threatening me it was at the time i strated cutting ,i hate that guy  i saw him about 2 weeks ago ,i was having a very bad day i was upset i went to see a show and the staff in the place were being very controling first they wouldnt let me in i had to stand so long without them even looking at me one held my arm and led me down the room i hate being controled,i had driven 50 miles to get therei was so annoyed?angery .i only went because i was feeling so bad i thought it might make me feel better to get out when i finaly got to a seat i was so angery i wanted to go home there and then but people said you just got here and you came so farso i stayedin a moodthen this fat guy walked pastit was him the only person i hate i felt mixed emotionssome of fear some of despising somethinking what will this do mentaly to mewill i cut again its a bad feeling to have someone near you that you wont forgive ..in my head i started to plan what i would say if i had to  they must have soon left i didnt see them again   back to that dream the falling and landing on top of a person dream ive had that before i think its being out of control   the sexual side to the dream was un expected