ive had this thought a lotright now im the type that a cult would feed oni have no plan for my own life anymore .im lost i just want to feel wanted by anyone really.ive reached a dead end and i have no where left to gomost night i think about hurtting my self as an escape or even ending it at times i see the world like a trap .i need to feel better about who i ami feel worthlesspeople saying things is no use i dont beleive themi need to beleive in myself.i really dont things are getting despreateand no one can see itor beleives it a while ago who i was was based round making sure my nice girlfreind was ok i knew it wasnt my life but it gave me a reason i hate people who i see coping with life and the ones full off shit it make me seem more of a joke years ago i told myself i am a person i dont have to feel like im living in someone elses worldbut i still feel like thati dont feel good enough to live life
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it\'s normal to have these setbacks while trying to change your perspective.
i feel that all i can do is remind you how far you have come:
you\'ve taken up exercise to fight the depression
you\'ve started working on spelling lessons to improve your writing
(even though i don\'t think there is anything wrong with it)
you\'ve been mending many heartbreaks. they all
seem to be surfacing at once, no?
you are sorting through all the patterns and changing them. it\'s hard work
it takes time. it can take a couple/few years.
but the future will then be yours.
have you ever listened to any Wayne Dyer?
He talks a lot about how to change perspective. he had a really
rough life before.
Hugs. Patience. I believe you can get through this.
today i tryed to practice
so i did for a few hours in the end i was worn out
so i felt worse then when i began
im frustrated that i cant get to where i need to be
.i got in touch with the guy who owes me money
says he will pay on monday
he said there is lots of work out there
but you cant do it because you cant keep up with the
shows 4 nights a week your not well enough
i wanted to say no i am !
.but really i dont think i can
so i tryed hard today ,ill show them ,ill be back
but i didnt do very well
im worn out now
.instead of trying i think i just need to stop
again
Perhaps a break is what you need.
Can you take a break? Two weeks?
Is that financially feasible?
i think i stop to much
today i did more practice again
but ive made it a lot harder for myself
if i can work round the wieght i have added
.i can do anything...sort of thinking
today while working on things i have a lot of time to think
i thought i am by myself
.i dont really have anything anymore
the practicing is all i have now
its my only window out off all this
so thats why i try hard
where that is a sad thing or not i dont even think
yes i do miss things