last night was quite badi felt very lost .i thought a lot about death and the people i had know who diedi thought about dave marshal and that old house he lived in.it was an old barn reallyi had been there .i had the image of him hanging in there till someone found him i last saw him at a wedding he was a guest with his girl friend when we first met i thought how he had such a wide emotional view of the world he seemed like an open person always talking at an emotional level about the world and his relationships i felt like he was someone like me in a lot of ways a person not to fear but a person who shares i guess that type is not ment to last in this world everyone needs a hard shell i knew there was a knife in my room last night and i did have a few thoughts but ive had worse times than this and im still standing so tomorrow im still standing even though a few friends have layed down
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i have lost friends too.
the saddest part for me is how alone they were at the end.
the health care system fails depressed people over and over and over.
i think they cant be reached
they get to a point where the door is closed
both ways
no one can get in and they cant get out
its the isoliated way were are made
traped in a shell
but haven\'t you been able to separate the depression from them?
my friend used to beat himself up for his depression which would compound it.
he tried to get help many times but was shamed
and treated like he was unworthy.
but i could see his depression was like a cloud.
it was not part of him or who he was.
it was like an illness. a virus.
he needed kindness and understanding but nobody would give it.
we are made to form bonds for life.
we are all about human connections.
babies who are neglected will die.
it\'s the same with adults.