today woke very early  felt ok no hip pains thought wow  but i am very ill with this cold my ears are blocked so i feel numb im not sure what im feeling  went to town and my hips and leg strated to get worse and worse i sat down in the end  and i wasnt feeling well or some thing i was feeling freaked out in shops thinking will i pass out  trying to divide physical health from mental healthits hard to tell while im like thisthe world is not normal and im not feeling normal  had it with docs just like before they wont do anything its just me now a few thoughts aboiut being with someoneby myself gets hard because its lonlyand like this i feel i cant even try to find someone that would want meif i did    i would be left  but im alone at my age someone should care but no one  does  that makes me feel in two waysz some one who has lived in a jar and 2 someone no  one loves