im writing this letter because id probably be to upset to say it clearlyif i talked to you about it.and would not be able explain it all in a way that i would like it to come out     i was going to tell this at the start of the week but with colin running off and crashing your wedding i didnt have the heart to say it to you and then valentines day would again be to an emotional time to say it as well i thought all the bad news at once would be just to much for you and i didnt want to see you upset or feeling more alone,i thats the last thing i want to do so i kept quiet and waited for a moment but there never will be a right momentand i have to do it at some point also time is now running out to sort things. its not been an easy thing for me to do.its has been a very hard decision for me and its pulled at my emotions a lotmore than people would know. but its something i think is somehow for the best for me,at least in a work related way,maybe not the best for me in a personal way because i am surrounded by my friends in this line up that i really care for.but i have to tell you this   i have take up the offer from *******things were in the air for a long time with it becausei said no to them the first timeand i even sent them a text explaining why i wont and thanks for the offer. but things have moved on they got back to me this week and put rest to alot of my reasons for saying no to them pay is good in that band and there is alot of work on offereveryone told me how crazy i was to turn it down at the time.even i thought i was crazy but i said no. i said no the first time and that had a lot to do with the personal friendship i have here.that means a lot to me and dont want to lose that  i  have a lot of other things going on in my head right now that i dont show outside.even down to whether i can still do this job anymoreand this is sort of a chance or make or breakthe extra playing may fix me, if not i will have to pull out so its a risk that i may just loose everthing.and end up at square one. but i have to do something my life has to move forward somehowand that normaly is change.Change is something im not very good at. I have never left anything before untill it collapsed bands or relationshipsits just the way i am so going is even harder,im normaly the last one standing when everyone else has gone. There is a time problem with me leaving.... i thought i had till the end of march to arrange all this 4weeksbut I got that wrong  Its the first weekend in march 5 /6 ? because it was 4 weeks notice for her band not meand they are all going. I cant be in both places even though i wish i could be i would not want to leave you stuck with no one you know im not like thatso i asked ***** to take over your work till you are sorted again. he said no problem at all and will help you out just say the word. he is leaving at the same time and is totally capable of doing the work without a lot of fuss and he has nothing else on or income so i though he would be an ideal choice and i was glad he said yes.he would just need a cd or email some tracks, i can send him a help sheet of the things to look out for as well that will speed things up.    i also was given a number for a drummer looking for work******************* I dont know what hes like but the guy  said he was quite good?maybe worth looking at later on. if you call right now i may not make to much sence,so i need a bit of time as i said when i started this letter this is a very emotional thing for me to have to doand i need to get myself together again ,i have so many feelings about all this.and didnt want to let you down  x replay =? you're an idiotwell theres another friend gone