just got back ini left at 3.30.its now 2am that was a free show so i dont get paid anythinga star from the james bond film casino royal was there  it was a show buiz event and a top line backing band were therei would normaly hold my((i just spellt my as mi )hold my own against these and i would have funthinking it as a chanlenge and scare a few of them with what i can do  but tonight i just limped my way though songs like a beginer people didnt arrive when they should have so i was left to carry a lot of equipment  i eat pain killers like sweats every where i go im leaving a trail of pill cases im hoping i will feel free again and if a pill may do thatpeople dont understand how im feeling i have a general ache to my body but it makes me feel illi feel a tempreture.i am feeling ill  im surposed to go to a rehersal to more i have to be in another town by 12and learn lots of singing for another show!after tonight im having big doubts if i can play it its very very depressing .i feel alone with this personal pain and problems can make you feel very alone