well i feel a bit more calm i posted alot in SI and a bit in OCD.i feel sad now  its like after the wave of panic.is sad what i was feeling all along ?i think i feel fauilure .i's are back i would post a hell of a lot of swear words right now about that but ill save you reading it all but i do feel like a reall piece of crap over it   maybe some other time  it will go right now it was i's or cuts to much internal pressure  i was thinking about  RB today  she is gone gone gone ..would have been nice to feel someone around even in that form but things changed and i had let that go to longRB just became someone i used to know like friends you never see anymore