its the first day of the new work tomorrow  i wish i felt more up to itim feeling very down fucking i's in line all over the place arnt helping its like ive given up control  im alone or hurt from every peice of crap person i put faith in felt like cutting just because i feel so weakits like i deserve to be a fuck up wish i wasnt here wish life was not quite the way it is  its all like some big race its based on who gets there first with how much  and if poeple get pushed down its not a problem  i dont know if i can cope with i's all over the place its shit enough without losing control i think the way im thinking is a bit like an eating dissorder or something i need to have some thing in my life that i feel is in my control and i dont have anything i have fucking i';s all over the place now what fucking good is that