on top of all this i dont know how i feel about being left for a while i had what i thought was the things i needed but it all left me  in the strangest way,i saw it coming and it walked out right on que  that does not happen to normal people emotionaly i feel no one ever stays with me everyone i cared for walked away  at a basic level i feel awful about it .it hurts to spend my whole life and never be loved back it makes every thing just like window dressingno matter what i do to fill things out the center is not there  people may say its my fault but they are wrong i just cant make things work even the times i was with someone i was trying harder then others were  im just not one of these fucking people who it works for try it from the other side its easy to hate the world like thisor hate everyonebut ive done that before  i just hate hurtting  all my life .i hate feeling i hate being un loved