the awful trapped feeling is coming backthe voice inside that says go on cut yourself its all fucked up anyway who cares you have failed anyway  then the grown up voice says no   

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deleted_user
deleted_user

It\'s normal that voice would say that, friend. You are in pain.

You should be in pain. Humans are emotional beings.

I\'m sorry all this is going on for you but I am glad you may get closure. I think you deserve honesty and support.