had a bad night  my fault really triggered  my self  if thats the word round here for it got in a situation talking about someone i hate for me the word hate is so rare  i dont hate anyone so to hate this person is  for no minor thing also someone i know was defending him as a friend also my longest  friend acted like that a while agoand that damaged the way i think about her also to see people defending someone that has hurt you so muchis awful    this person was a big part of the thing that pushed me over the edge in to cuttingmyself   i hate this person for making things as bad as possible for me and also threatening me with no reason. the feeling i got was like a runaway train inside me like something you cant stop till its ran its coarse thought about cutting last night i was not here i was in the past all today ive been out off it i feel like im in shock  so defencive about this person like chasing it out of my life to force it away. i had a face book acount .i wiped it last night people i know were lost to why.i wount tell them. tonight go invited to a sort of party i drove so im sober every one around was drunk and by the end it was all argumentsbut i left early  all this drama is to much for me im used to my quiet now  .i feel im better off alone turkish girl coming back is going to cause me a lot of problems . so im not even thinking about that im blanking it im a watcher in life.and i dont really understand how people can get things so wrong