thinking about the cutting thing its been years but i do think about it  even now  to mark myself to finnish off a feeling i cant explain  and it aways flashes the memory of the first time when things get bad you can leave the room or go somewhere else what if its inside you  ive felt some alfull things ..im in a safer place now  but i also feel like ive left everything go life does not meen that much to me now im not afraid because i have taken value off it  .i know i will fuck it all up to the end anyway its who i am  i know im just a space filler in life sorry to all my ancesters all the 1000s of years to come to me im a dead end