What now?

yougospam 11/30/2015
You\'ll be ok, your feelings are normal and we\'ve all gone through them, many times. You are not alone, thank goodness for your kids and family. They are what get us through the rough times. Our lives have changed, drastically.......not a darn thing we can do about it but carry on, the best we can.

Holidays are brutal, take them one at a time. You are in the process of doing all of the firsts (first Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, etc) and it is hard, I won\'t life or sugar coat it. It takes a long time to feel better, but you will, I promise. You won\'t always feel this sad and lonely but it does take time. You got through your divorce pretty fast, now you can sit back and figure out your \"new\" life, just take your time. Next year the holidays won\'t be so hard.

I too have said \"I hate my life\" so many times and one day someone said, \"I\'m in your life, you don\'t hate me\" Hmmmm, so true.... So we don\'t actually hate all of our life, just parts of it...........So hang onto the good parts as best you can. Sending you some healing hugs and prayers.

nomoretears4me 11/30/2015
Thanks. Im at work and really want to call her so bad. I know its stupid. There is no going back. Im hurting today. I want to just scream my head off.
How do you stop loving someone?

Thanks again for the help I needed it.

startingover2011 11/30/2015
You stop loving them by remembering the bad parts...the things she did that hurt you. My ex showed his true colors during the divorce and killed any love I had for him...and I had loved him for 28 years! Over time, I just wanted him out of my life. It took me a good year and a half to get to that point, so be kind to yourself. You, like me, will get there. It won\'t be easy, but you will. Come here to vent and for support. We\'re here for you and understand.

steppingovertheedge 11/30/2015
Working out is a good option. Do anything you need to to distract yourself, while taking care of immediate needs like job and kids. Beyond those immediate needs, go easy on yourself and do whatever you think can help pull your thoughts away from it all.

When you want to grieve, find times to do so that will not affect those essential aspects of your life, if possible. Like at night after the kids are asleep, in the shower, etc. A place where you give yourself time to let it all out. And then, put the mask back on and go about your day.

I have dreaded the prospect of being alone too. I still do to some extent. But another way to look at it is being temporarily alone. You need some time to come to grips with everything, do some healing, start feeling better and feeling more like \"you\" again. And once that time passes, you\'ll be \"you\" again - a little different version perhaps, but likely not drastically changed. And then you can think about dating and looking for someone new. With the sheer number of divorces happening all around us, sadly, there will be available people of all ages. In time, if you really want a partner, you will find one.

I\'m sure there were really good qualities in your ex, which is why you loved her, but obviously there were some pretty bad ones that either you overlooked or that manifested later in the relationship - that lying, cheating stuff and the selfishness and lack of compassion that go along with it. No one is perfect. You\'ll eventually find someone who has a mix of good and bad qualities and maybe decide she\'ll be good for you. It doesn\'t hurt to give some thought to what good qualities are essential and what bad qualities are deal-killers. It\'s an interesting exercise while the feelings are still strong. Might be interesting to do again in 1 year, 2 years, 5 years. See if anything changes.