PAIN!!!
Oh Dear Lord I need help!!! I just don't think I can make it...I can't work anymore...I can't take care of other people when I can't take care of myself! It is so emotionally draining and I am running on empty. I just have no human contact besides work, my friends and family either can't handle my grief or just don't know what to do with me. I can't blame them, I don't know what to do with myself. I am in so much pain!!! I understand my daughter wanting to get away from her pain...but I can't help wondering where I would be if I had not lost her. I know I would not be so lost myself. Lost, untethered like a kite on a broken string except with every cell of my body screaming for the touch of my baby. I just can't keep living like this...I just...can't
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I didn\'t think I could do it, live again, but I am. There is hope. But damn it\'s a hard, shitty road back to life! You are loved! Keep hanging on...
The loss of my only child made me feel like \"there is no future\". I didn\'t feel as if I could ever smile, let alone laugh again. Five years for me and I\'ve come a long way. You look at everything different and accept the \"new you\", which isn\'t easy, but know it\'s real. There\'s no support like the support of our SOTH\'s. I also still take an anti-depressant and know I need it. The sadness still strikes unannounced, but it\'s not the stabbing pain or breathlessness experienced for the first few years. It does get \"better\" believe it or not. I\'ll keep you in my prayers. xo Sharon
I began reading all the journals I could of the moms a few steps further along on this path because they had something I sorely needed... Hope... I noticed they were making plans, living life, sharing their world with me and I knew if they could feel this way perhaps maybe one day I could too? They told me to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and to be kind and gentle with myself. I believed them and I did what they told me to do... Today I\'m still here almost seven years later because I just kept living life moment by moment and because I trusted that if healing was happening for them perhaps it would for me too if I just hung in there.
There are so many body slams on this path, ups, downs, automatic pilot times it just takes me breath away.
Take our hands and hold on tightly,
Loving care,
XO Joanie