One Year
Well, sisters, I made it. One year ago today I began this horrible, sad journey when I lost my child.
When I first joined this group, the thought of lasting a year was impossible to me, sort of how the thought of surviving 5 years does now.
I wish I could set my profile to public, so that all the new moms would automatically be my friend...I have so much to say to them...It hurts, and it always will. The "you" that was you is gone, broken. You will have to rebuild, over the years into a new you. Be cautious...you can become bitter and angry which helps no one, much less yourself. Try to keep your eyes and hearts open for signs from our precious ones, for the needs of our fellow man...I have found, the more love I give the more love I receive. I do this for my own well being. I also do it to honor my Cassi. She deserves it. I tried very hard, but failed to save her. I hope, someday, to find someone else who needs me that desperately, who I can save. It's how I see my life unfolding and someday my reward will be holding my baby girl in my arms again.
I survived...If I can, you can too.
When I first joined this group, the thought of lasting a year was impossible to me, sort of how the thought of surviving 5 years does now.
I wish I could set my profile to public, so that all the new moms would automatically be my friend...I have so much to say to them...It hurts, and it always will. The "you" that was you is gone, broken. You will have to rebuild, over the years into a new you. Be cautious...you can become bitter and angry which helps no one, much less yourself. Try to keep your eyes and hearts open for signs from our precious ones, for the needs of our fellow man...I have found, the more love I give the more love I receive. I do this for my own well being. I also do it to honor my Cassi. She deserves it. I tried very hard, but failed to save her. I hope, someday, to find someone else who needs me that desperately, who I can save. It's how I see my life unfolding and someday my reward will be holding my baby girl in my arms again.
I survived...If I can, you can too.
Replies
Hoping you feel the love of Cassi surrounding you today. Hugs, Kathy
Gina, I don\'t know how we get through the first minutes, hours, days, weeks, months then a year...but we do. I, like you, find my motivation in honoring Ed. Your words can and do encourage new moms to this horrific journey. You have learned and been taught by dear Cassi. Oh the lessons our kids have taught us but I believe being open to signs and growth and lessons help us to survive this cruel tragedy...
You did the best you could for your daughter. Don\'t doubt that..don\'t do that to yourself. All of us are here because our child passed away. You would have moved Heaven and Earth to save your daughter as I would have for my son but alas, we just do not have that power.
If I can share anything with news moms, it is to be gentle on yourself..
Gentle hugs and much love, Linda
I could have written this on Billy\'s 1st Angel Day. Can\'t believe it has been over 8 years. You are so right ....by helping others we are really helping ourselves...\"Pay It Forward.\" Hugs Ann
Love you Gina...beautiful journal. Its been a long year but we made it...hugs..Remembering Cassi with you.
Dear Gina. I felt like you on Lisa\'s first Angel Day. I was surprised I was still alive. I really didn\'t think I could survive. And then 5 years? I really didn\'t think I would be here. But I am. We clearly have something to accomplish on this earth.
You are helping people more than you know. Just sharing your story helps. We don\'t know how many people we impact. But I can assure you, you are helping.
Tight hugs.
Love to you and Cassi.
Marlene
Yes, dear soth, I agree with Lynda and Marlene, we are here for a purpose, and if we can help other mothers grieving loss, it will be enough. It\'s going to be 5 years for us, too, on March 1st. And yes, we are surviving. The broken heart is here to stay, we hold onto one another and try to gain solace by remembering how loving, graceful, and good our children are.
You did make it and I\'m not sure how any of us do, yet we do, one breath, moment and day at a time.
Reading journals such as yours offer so much HOPE and healing dear Gina, and I remember hanging onto every word and I still do when reading and feeling the hearts of each of you.
I couldn\'t help but think of when you say that you hope you are able to help save someone as you could not save your Cassie that you already have... Yourself...
I have thought of you often today and am so very grateful to read your journal and know that you have navigated this day in your own way as that is the only way that it can be done.
With you and caring,
XO Joanie
Time goes by so quickly. I sometimes think that it\'s God helping us grieving Mom\'s and speeding up time to ease our pain.
You will survive.....We will survive.
Hand in hand and heart to heart we walk this journey together.
Hugs dear sister of the heart
Thank you Gina for this honest and heartfelt journal. Your willingness to help other newly bereaved moms even through your deep pain shows all the bountiful love you have in your heart.
I hope that this day was as gentle and peaceful as possible and that you felt your dear Cassi\'s presence and her arms enfolding you.
Love and tight hugs,
Diane
I am so very sorry for you and for not having Cassi by your side any longer. Wishing you peace as you go forward -- it\'s so very hard, I know. Hugs, Laura