Sigh
Part of the process...I know... days things almost seem normal, days of hysterical pain, days like today, just sadness...sadness...How did I end up here??? How did I let this happen??? My baby is gone. It's spring, I see the beautiful trees flowering and I can't appreciate them, I just think, that's something else you are missing Cassi...Life is full of pain, but there is plenty of beauty too...She had the opposite of rose-colored glasses...her glasses were dark, gray...she had more pain than she could handle, at that awful moment...now I will have this pain the rest of my life, the rest of this life...Dear God...I miss her so much.
Replies
Yes, I sure remember those first days. Sigh too! This journey does not end until we are with them again, but it does feel a little less painful, IMHO. It sounds as though you were me in the early days!
Sending love your way,
Leda
Forever missed~~
I\'ve said these words...screams them....many times in my beginning.
It\'s hard. It\'s SO unfair!!
(((hugs)))
Yes. Horrible. The new \"normal\". You know, I feared never seeing another Spring for many years. Each Fall, I would wonder: will I live to see next Spring? What I was really asking was: will my child live to see next Spring, but I didn\'t know that at the time.
Spring means nothing to me now. In fact, it\'s punishing. I prefer dead of winter when everything is frozen, dead, cold, intimidating, forcing us to remain inside.
Oh I love to travel. The beautiful mountains, the beaches, the monuments, the fantastic cities, the pilgrimage sites, the people of other cultures and language...that is the only time I am living. The rest of the time, I am alive. Big difference.
You are set upon by jackals every single day: spiritual and emotional jackals. WHY DIDN\'T I.....SHOULD I HAVE....WHAT HAVE I DONE.....WHY IS THIS ALLOWED IN MY LIFE....WHY MY CHILD.....GOD WHERE ARE YOU, WHERE WERE YOU....
Jackals hunt best at night or when a victim is alone, in daylight, under a bush, in a forest, no real cover, no safe place.....the spiritual and emotional jackals are far worse than any living creature on this earth. Were I to come face to face with a Puma/Cougar in real life, I would know what to, instinctually, and how to communicate with thought. I would put the rest in God\'s hands. I don\'t know how to interact with these jackals. I am still learning.
Remember the lifeboat. Remember the Bengal Tiger. I cannot tame mine, I certainly cannot tame yours. I am learning to live with mine, and so will you, I pray. And keep looking around you. We are in our lifeboats, sister, right here.
Sending you so much love and prayers, I cry with you and FOR YOU!
Grieving is so hard with so many conflicting feelings. I too cry with you. All we can believe is that our girls are happy.
Huge, caring hugs,
Marlene
sad days,,, still get them,, just had a few of my own,,, we cry,, we wonder,,,, and then another day comes around,,, you are not alone,, you are loved..
I thought things could never improve in my life, after my children died. But they didI couldn\'t possibly have believed it back thenDon\'t give up hope! Love, Donna
Dear Gina: You will someday again feel joy. But you will always miss your daughter. Just like all the moms do. I hate it all I just want my daughter home. I hope this week end is a peaceful one for you. Lots of bigh warm hugs. Mary Ann
I am so sorry! And yes the pain can be unbearable!! It doesn\'t seem fair:(
Love, Joan
{{{HUGS}}}
The ups and downs...so very powerful. Just do the best you can each day... Life is enjoyable again for me...I miss Alex each day...but the sun comes up and goes down and it is okay. Love and gentle hugs...Karen
Although the days of sadness can be so horrendous, at least you are feeling. I\'m in another cycle of disbelief and numbness, where I feel nothing. I know it is only temporary, but it is still disturbing. Our children were and are so important, so it is scary to not feel that loss all the time. I hope your sadness is not too debilitating and you can keep remembering the beauty along with the pain.
The sadness is what lingers after all of the other \"stuff\" dissolves. Having moved through the cycles again and again of the grief process the underlying emotion that I still feel to this day is a sadness that my son is not living his life on this earth side. It is one that I am reconciling very slowly...
It is a spin cycle of emotions and feelings and each of them needing to BE what they are for today.
Loving care as you work through each day as best as you are able as that is all anyone can ask of themselves. This IS what you are doing and it takes SO much energy, this work of grief.
Heartfelt (((hugs))) and care,
XO Joanie