tough Day
Having the toughest day.....Wednesday this time 2 years ago, my daughter entered the hospital and my life changed forever. Flooded with memories, I HATE THIS.....ROLLER COASTER......people laughing, talking about the holidays......I JUST WANT TO SCREAM.....ME, ME ME ME ME ME....WHAT ABOUT ME?????????????????? I'm hurting here, so sad.....but it's a choice right? to be happy in spite of how I'm feeling....I know feelings are sometimes fleeting and will pass -----roller coaster of emotions.......HATE IT
Replies
I\'m so sorry my friend. Riding that rollercoaster can really take a toll. It is a choice, but sometimes you just have to let it all out and just FEEL it.
Love and hugs on this very difficult day. Coco
The Roller Coaster ride is exhausting!! For me, just trying to survive is exhausting. I am sorry that you are having such a tough day. I am so glad that we all found FMO and have our soth to vent to. I wonder, what about Me too. It is like our lifes are over and we don\'t know what to do with ourselfs!
I hope the day gets easier, as you go along.
((((HUGS)))), Julia
I am so very sorry Vicki...this road is so full of unexpected twists and turns. I wish that sometimes our hearing would just shut off for as long as we need. You know, like a mute button on the remote. That way when joy seems to make us feel worse, we could shut it out. I will be praying for something to shine through and warm your heart. Lauri
Oh Vicki, this journey is so forever exhausting in the beginning and I remember having a hard time. You have a double hard time because of the holidays and these memories of losing sweet Jennifer. It does get better but it takes a long time. There is no force, (except God) that is greater than the grief of the early years. Working in a school has got to be difficult too as so much revolves around holidays in general and the noise in general is always loud and boisterous (
(oops, if not the students, it is the teachers and staff!) I feel for you, my friend. I wish there was something I could do or say to help, but I know there is not from personal experience. At least we have the moms here who truly understand.
Sending love and prayers,
Leda
Thank you SOTH - I read each and every response over and over again until your hope, love and encouragement seeps through to me.....This too shall pass , right?
Thinking of taking a sick day tomorrow - just want to be home, safe and away from people......can\'t wait to get on that vast ocean to calm me and I can just BREATHE. Sending love your way.....Vicki
Sometimes I would like to punch the person who said that how we feel is up to us. Hmmm. There are times I would like to say \"okey dokey, I am going to be cheerful and optimistic now\". I wish I could! We do the best we can. I have found that I just have to ride that damned roller coaster. After almost 6 years, I realize that the downs are a pain but I know there will be ups again.
This time of year is a downer for all of us I think. Sometimes I want to smack people silly when they talk about their awesome plans. They seem to forget that my Christmas won\'t be the joyous occasion it used to be.
I had a bad couple of weeks. I am on an even keel for the moment but who knows how I will feel in 5 minutes?
Wishing you peace and hoping the roller coaster finds a sweet spot for awhile.
Love and tight hugs, M
I wonder, Vicki, how to be happy in our faith & live ABUNDANTLY, IN SPITE OF our personal circumstances? I haven\'t figured this out yet. So often these days, organized religion depresses me. It hate to admit it & Lord forgive me but it\'s true. Songs, scripture reading, prayers, sermons, etc., all of these things make me cry. Shouldn\'t they be doing the opposite? I just can\'t figure things out anymore.
Love & Hugs as I think of you & your precious Jennifer,
Donna
I feel that way too...I want to scream, \"Hey, my baby is d**d\"...Did you forget because I certainly did not. I guess we all get a little selfish in our grief, and that\'s okay, even normal.
I am so sorry Vicki. Words just don\'t seem enough or right at this time. I do or all of us SOTH know how you feel. Its a sad club we all belong too! But we are here for each other cuz we do understand and can walk in your shoes. I am so sorry my friend! hugs
Oh, Vicki... How could you not be \"there?\" Please do take that day if you feel it will be best for you and soon you will be on that peaceful water.
With you and caring so very much and hope that you feel it because it is there.
Love to Jennifer and her forever mom from Douglas and me,
XO Joanie
Vicki, we all know about that roller coaster ride. I know what you feel about all the hoop la about Christmas.
Please try and take care of yourself.
Much love to you and your precious Jennifer.
Nell
I so agree it is hard to keep the face on for everyone. So one day at a time and before you know it it will be pass. We did a good deed at work sending a check to hunger relief in our town. I am with you on the roller coaster. Hugs, Kathy
I\'m sorry for the tremendous ache in your heart.
Much of our mood is a choice. However, there are times when we hurt so deeply....deep down to the core of our being...in which it is not a matter of choice, but pure necessity to allow ourselves to BE in the heartache for as long as we need to be. We can\'t hide it, deny it, run from it, or avoid it. At these times we must give in to it and feel it; all of it; all the horror of it. And THEN, we wash our faces, and choose to move forward.
This is what you do. And you do it well and you do it honorably and you do honestly.
You are loved and you are heard with our hearts.
this journey is so not fun,,,, you are not alone in how you feel..... I am so unhappy so much while those around me laugh and have wonderful family times,,, I am so jealous,,, tis why I like to stay home..... love and hugs...