URGH
Up and Down, Up and Down is what I have been today.....my emotions have been all over the place - lots of tears, and then more tears.....I just feel like I am so raw and react to just about anything now so quickly....I guess it's normal but sometimes I just don't like who I am now....at least for this period of time.....I hope in time there will be more of a heart covering so to speak to protect me....does that make sense?
I went to dinner with a friend and her husband (others were there as well) - my friend's husband is an ass to put it plainly....They are millionaires and unfortunately he uses his money to manipulate people, keep people close with $, and says the MOST HURTFUL THINGS to his wife and to others if you happen to be close enough to him. Well, long story short, He said to me, " Tom said you would be good looking if you lost about 5" on each side"......My reaction was immediate - I turned, went into their backyard but before I closed the door and I said "what kind of person are you?" F*&^&* You.....Well, I was hugged by my friends' brother who knows how he is and kept telling me it was ok......I ended up composing myself, eating dinner but my friend's husband went to bed--WENT TO BED WITH A HOUSE FUL OF COMPANY????
Prior to going to bed, he said to me it was a joke and Tom is a small man so of course it was a joke...anyone who knows Chris knows Tom didn't say anything....Chris says things all the time "in the name of someone else".....Well, I apologized to my friend for reacting the way I did and her response was "I Know you are sorry".....I haven't heard from them since that nite.....They visit here 5 months out of the year, living in Australia the rest of the year....Anyway I know how he is, I know things he says---I would have liked to get more support from my friend but it is her husband and she definitely isn't going to make waves there @ home....
My point is - there was a time before losing my daughter that I would have laughed or glared or done something - BUT NOT GO OUT SIDE AND SAY f*** yOU.......Who does that? I have turned into this hot head, reacting on a dime and sometimes just acting crazy.....so a few days later, I'm exhausted, emotionally drained.....normal, the new normal......not sure I like it.
Thankful I'm going to work tomorrow - it keeps me sane at least for 7 hours. LOL
Much love to you all tonite and thanks for reading my ramblings......Vicki
I went to dinner with a friend and her husband (others were there as well) - my friend's husband is an ass to put it plainly....They are millionaires and unfortunately he uses his money to manipulate people, keep people close with $, and says the MOST HURTFUL THINGS to his wife and to others if you happen to be close enough to him. Well, long story short, He said to me, " Tom said you would be good looking if you lost about 5" on each side"......My reaction was immediate - I turned, went into their backyard but before I closed the door and I said "what kind of person are you?" F*&^&* You.....Well, I was hugged by my friends' brother who knows how he is and kept telling me it was ok......I ended up composing myself, eating dinner but my friend's husband went to bed--WENT TO BED WITH A HOUSE FUL OF COMPANY????
Prior to going to bed, he said to me it was a joke and Tom is a small man so of course it was a joke...anyone who knows Chris knows Tom didn't say anything....Chris says things all the time "in the name of someone else".....Well, I apologized to my friend for reacting the way I did and her response was "I Know you are sorry".....I haven't heard from them since that nite.....They visit here 5 months out of the year, living in Australia the rest of the year....Anyway I know how he is, I know things he says---I would have liked to get more support from my friend but it is her husband and she definitely isn't going to make waves there @ home....
My point is - there was a time before losing my daughter that I would have laughed or glared or done something - BUT NOT GO OUT SIDE AND SAY f*** yOU.......Who does that? I have turned into this hot head, reacting on a dime and sometimes just acting crazy.....so a few days later, I'm exhausted, emotionally drained.....normal, the new normal......not sure I like it.
Thankful I'm going to work tomorrow - it keeps me sane at least for 7 hours. LOL
Much love to you all tonite and thanks for reading my ramblings......Vicki
Replies
You said and did what you needed to and the fact that he \"went to bed\" says a lot to me. Perhaps no one has ever had the \'balls\" to say that to him and it was just what he needed. No one has the right to say such hurtful things and don\'t for a moment feel that you did anything wrong by protecting yourself as you did.
I don\'t think you are a hot head, Vicki, and one thing that I have learned about this grief path is that I don\'t think any of us can put up with other people\'s nonsense. We know what\'s real, what hurts, what brings us to our knees and being with small minded and inconsiderate people is just intolerable.
Not for a moment do I want you to be hard on yourself for how you reacted. Perhaps before you may not have used the F bomb, yet you did and it\'s okay. Please allow yourself the grace to know that the problem is with this man and not with YOU!
Understanding how those seven hours can bring some needed peace and focus so hope that is what I hope you receive.
I know this won\'t make you feel any better, yet a very good friend of mine said that she was at a party and another woman came up to her and asked her, \"What happened to your face?\" What I would like to know is what is becoming of our society that we walk around and speak without any filters or consideration of others?! My friend looked at the woman and said, \"There\'s nothing wrong with my face, so what\'s wrong with yours?\" Just unbelievable to me!!!
Sending pockets full of peace and tight hugs dear Vicki and so very sorry that you had to be on the receiving end of such a thoughtless comment.
XO Joanie
Oh Vicki your ups and downs and mood swings are so normal for what you are going thru. I am hitting 3yrs now since my boy left his physical body. I am going thru a stage, I guess you could say, that I get upset in public towards people and I say to myself or to whoever is with me \" don\'t piss off a bereaved mother\".
I did that one day in home depot. My husband was with me and I was getting upset with customer service because there was only one person taking care of returns and and other things. I ended up apologizing and told her that it is not in my character to get upset in the store and I told her why. My husband said Wow you never get upset in the store.
You are going through so many emotions and i can relate to the fact that sometimes we don\'t like who we are.
There is hope that many of those emotions will slow down in time. I never thought I would be were I am now in my journey.
Much love to you
One minute, baby steps.
Love
Laura
He sounds like an ass to me......glad you stood up for yourself....I would have said the same.
Now, take a deep breath and release the negative energy and continue in your healing.
It\'s funny how our grief knocks out our filters. You are not the same person. God is putting us through a consuming fire and a lot of what is being burnt off is our false bravado and certainly our ability to put up with crap. You did well to act as you did. That idiot was shown the damage his mouth can do and you needn\'t ever apologize for it. He went to bed because he was embarrassed. I am so proud of you. Jesus never took crap without telling people which end was up...we have been taught to be meek good little Christians...but we should roar like lions when something is just wrong. Love you Vicki...Lauri
He deserved it.
He has a personality disorder, sounds like a narcissist. He \"went to bed\" more likely he went to self medicate with one of the bottles he hides around the house. Imagine having to live with him! Torture.
Years ago, had some man ever addressed me like that, I would most likely have kicked him in the...well, you know. Now, I would tell him that I feel sorry for him. We each grow in different ways but what you\'re doing right now is REACTING, not RESPONDING. And this is normal, NORMAL. It will pass. DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF. That is a poisonous man; would you hang out with a rattle snake? If they don\'t speak to you again, you\'re fortunate. Let him spread his poison elsewhere and think of what would happen to this man if he ever had an awakening: it would be devastating.
Laurim is correct. Jesus never \"took crap\"...he overturned the tables in the temple! He pointed at the Pharisees and rebuked them, publicly, many, many times. There is such a thing as RIGHTEOUS ANGER.
It\'s hard to learn to RESPOND instead of REACT. I don\'t know if I\'ll ever really \"get it\" but I\'m trying. So will you, one day. Right now, \"what you see is what you get\", you are open and vulnerable and you are not going to \"take any crap\".
You know, when you said \"up down, up down\" of course I knew what you meant emotionally but it immediately brought to mind my English riding lessons. I am learning to post a trot: up, down, up, down.....\"up\" meaning stand in the stirrups on your toes for three seconds, \"down\" take your seat...over and over. For two days after this, you are sore as heck. Good analogy! Emotional \"muscles\" hurt, too. But they heal, they get stronger, yes.
Jill nailed it. HE DESERVED IT!!! What an asshole!!! Please, pleasae, please don\'t blame yourself or your grief...we, as your sisters, are very angry on your behalf and would probably kick his ass if we had the chance.
And what Joanie said...we don\'t put up with other people\'s nonsense...SO TRUE!!! OMG... I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH, MY SISTERS, YOU KNOW MY HEART AND MY SOUL. I went through the most horrible thing a mother can go through to gain acceptance into this group. If I could take it back and never have known any of you, I would in a snap, but I can\'t. So I work with what I have which is such an awesome group of women...
This friend of yours, who is married to this asshole, honey, I am sorry, but I think you are better off without them. She won\'t take up for you because it would \"rock her boat\"??? To hell with that...if she chooses to live that way then that is her decision and I feel sorry for her. He doesn\'t pay your bills and you get to choose who is in your life. Love yourself as much as we love you.
I think everyone summed it up way better than I ever could. Know that the people that surround you here and at home, love you.
...I always wanted sisters and now I have sisters who hear my heart, understand my deepest thoughts and see my pain AND love me anyway. Thank you dear sisters of my heart!!! Vicki
I wish when you apologized to your friend would\'ve immediately told you not to apologize. In reading the other responses here, I too think he is a narcissist and believe me, your only crime was not taking his sh*t like everyone else does.
No, we are not the same. I am at 19 months today and I have no coping skills. Nada. Zilch, Zippo. Even when I am able to bite my tongue now, I manage to internalize the hurt or what I wish I would\'ve said or just fall apart and it takes me days to recover.
I can not tell you how often I wish I had the balls to tell someone to F*ck Off in no uncertain terms. So, thank you for actually doing it! You are my hero!!!
Tight hugs and a little giggle too!
Merrilee
How did I miss this yesterday! It is amazing how much of an a..hole some people can be. Some people get their kicks by putting others down.
I totally get your comment about turning on a dime. I have very little patience with jerks any more. I don\'t really think that you needed to apologize to anybody - he should have. It sounds like your friend may be bullied by him. It is a shame that he controls people with money. Please don\'t feel guilty for speaking the truth!
Hugs, Marlene
Just catching up.....well, I\'m glad you told him like it was....sheesh, what a dick head ( sorry...). In a way, I feel sorry for people who try to bring down others since it is they who have the problem. But good for you, standing up for yourself. I\'m sure everything will settle down in time. Take care ~ Joanna x