Birthday
Well, I made it through my birthday...I turned 60 which was so hard for me and hard for me to believe I'm that age....anyway I'm over it now....LOL
My first birthday without hearing from my daughter - SIGH......I do have a saved voice mail from my daughter last year saying Happy Birthday so I was able to listen to that and smile, cry, cry and cry......my heart felt better just hearing her voice and feeling her around me today.
Tomorrow I return to work to begin another school year - I will be glad to be in a routine again, but sometimes so sad that life just keeps on keepin on....and of course without my daughter. You all give me hope every day because I know you all have made it and continue to make it in the midst of the heart pain we all feel.
Jennifer's birthday coming up in 2 weeks - ......keep telling me I can make it... what am I going to do??Just don't feel like a mom anymore - I'm not doing those "mom" things - like celebrating a birthday in the way I used to do it......It's a new life that will never be the same for me and I am trying to adjust to it every day.....with your encouragement, smiles, hugs and love. Thank You.
Better go to bed as the alarm I haven't heard for 6 weeks is going to sound @ 5:30 - the good thing is it's a talking alarm that says to me "WAKE UP BEAUTIFUL" It's time to wake up.....now if it would just bring me my coffee..... LOL
Your hugs and sweet comments meant so much to me today.....Thank you again!!
My first birthday without hearing from my daughter - SIGH......I do have a saved voice mail from my daughter last year saying Happy Birthday so I was able to listen to that and smile, cry, cry and cry......my heart felt better just hearing her voice and feeling her around me today.
Tomorrow I return to work to begin another school year - I will be glad to be in a routine again, but sometimes so sad that life just keeps on keepin on....and of course without my daughter. You all give me hope every day because I know you all have made it and continue to make it in the midst of the heart pain we all feel.
Jennifer's birthday coming up in 2 weeks - ......keep telling me I can make it... what am I going to do??Just don't feel like a mom anymore - I'm not doing those "mom" things - like celebrating a birthday in the way I used to do it......It's a new life that will never be the same for me and I am trying to adjust to it every day.....with your encouragement, smiles, hugs and love. Thank You.
Better go to bed as the alarm I haven't heard for 6 weeks is going to sound @ 5:30 - the good thing is it's a talking alarm that says to me "WAKE UP BEAUTIFUL" It's time to wake up.....now if it would just bring me my coffee..... LOL
Your hugs and sweet comments meant so much to me today.....Thank you again!!
Replies
My beautiful friend, congratulations on your birthday! I bet your lovely daughter was smiling over you, as she is with you everday. Have a wonderful and blessed day! xxx
Oh Vicki, you will do great through this. My birthday in June was harder than Patrick\'s was in July. Just be busy that day. Fill it up and do something kind for someone else. It helped. Love you, Lauri
Apparently 60 is the new 40! I loved being 40 - that was the year Lisa and her friend filled my office with balloons the night before my birthday.
Life will never be the same. I can relate to the feeling of emptiness. The whole future we assumed is suddenly no more. Our roles of mom, friend etc are no more. The routine that included our girls are suddenly gone.
Having said that, life can, and does get better, it is different but can be satisfying, even happy. But with that underlying sadness, which is our new normal.
I love your alarm! With robots becoming so sophisticated, it may not be long before you have coffee deilivery!
Have a great first day at work.
I wish you were coming to Tahoe. My thoughts will be with you and Jennifer.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
Love and hugs,
Marlene
You CAN make it...I KNOW it to be true even when my heart is telling me otherwise. Our girls are happy...I hope they know each other. I lone Lauri\'s idea about doing something kind for someone else...there is no downside to it, the more love you give the more you get...Thank GOD we found this \"place\".
You made it! YAY for you!!!
Love your alarm message! How wonderful to hear WAKE UP BEAUTIFUL each morning! A great way to start the day.....full of positive energy!
Holidays, events, special occasions.....boy, they can take our breath away! Somehow, with the LOVE and support of each other, we make it through the hard days and celebrate the not so hard ones.
Sending lots of love to you and Jennifer!
Time sure flies, doesn\'t it? Congrats on being 60. I am not far behind you, I will be 59 in November. November can be a difficult month for me, as my b/d is the 9th, the Michael\'s Angel date on the 22nd, and of course, then Thanksgiving. But I just tell myself that they are just numbers and I don\'t miss my son more on those dates than any other day of the year. I like your alarm clock...mine makes the most startling noise! I hope your adjustment to going back to work goes smoothly. I return to work next week after being off for 8 weeks and frankly, I dread it LOL.
Peace.
60 was very hard for me. Well, first of all,I was in denial that my only child was sinking into serious mental illness, I kept hoping the worst would not happen. But, 60 is a tough birthday, even if you\'re living the proverbial \"life of Riley\" (whatever the heck that means). It seems to say: your life is almost over, there are no more opportunities, where it go so fast and what\'s left? But none of that is true. None of it.
Your daughter\'s birthday is almost upon us. This is a very hard day and I won\'t lie to you. On my daughter\'s birthday in 2013, I was in Fatima, Portugal, at the the shrine of Our Lady of Fatima. This year, I was here. It was hard but I remembered the enormous blessings I received while in Fatima, amazing things happened to me there, love rained down upon me literally from God. So I made it through this past birthday which would have been 27 for her.
I remember turning 30, no big deal. When I turned 40, I was two months short of delivering my baby. When I turned 50 I was in the middle of raising a brilliant, beautiful, gifted, funny kid who never did one thing, ever, without thinking of me. She never did, except that once, March 2, 2011, when the illness became larger than life.
You do have a life. You are living it. You will survive this upcoming birthday and many, many more of them. I discovered that it is sometimes a good thing to DO something on that day FOR YOU that is special, even if it is expensive. I also discovered (as have all the SOTH) that anticipation of the day is worse than the day itself and that, a day or two later, you will be hit by the tsunami. Normal. Survivable. Human genome project tells us that every child we (women) \"carry\" in our bodies, whether or not that child is even brought to term, \"lives on\" in our bodies, that child\'s DNA is now part of our DNA. You live on, sister. You carry the memory of your precious daughter but you also try, very very hard, to come to an understanding that \"this place\" is not all \"there is\", that your daughter continues on her journey, that you will meet again. Of this, I have no doubt.
May God be with you, may God send you help and support; keep your eyes and ears open because you will hear His voice.
May I wish you many 60th birthday blessings this year. How special to hear Jennifer\'s voice, that is a true gift. You are doing just as well as she is expecting you to.
Hope you continue to feel all the good wishes being sent.
Hugs, Debbie (just turned 59)
I\'m a little late here, sorry, but happy belated 60th! Mine is coming up too - not sure I like those ones that end in 0\'s :) So glad you could hear Jennifer\'s voice and feel her arms around you, holding you, on that day - all these special times are so very different for us now. Joanna x
P.S. I love your alarm......
Hoping it was a gentle birthday and now you are back in a routine and that can be good, yet also very tiring too so be sure to give yourself pauses in the midst and don\'t push yourself too hard.
You will move through these tender days and exhale on the other side of them knowing that you did it. No matter what you decide to do or not do will be okay and I have no doubt that our children know our hearts.
Gentle care and easy does it.
XO Joanie
Sending u vibes of healing for your birthday and hoping that Jennifer wraps her arms around you all the time. Love, Kathy