Thanksgiving

well, Thanksgiving. I used to look forward to it , my child and husband was home and we could all just eat hang out and be a family . Today is not like that, I wish I could just skip thanksgiving . My stbx is making the turkey , and I just don't want to be home , I rather sit in my car all day . But my son needs me there to have a family thanksgiving. I'm in the car now just trying to relax before I go back. My anger is creeping in today. I'm trying to calm the beast in my car. My anger has been subsiding since I know it is just a waste of energy at this point but I guess the holiday is making my head spin. He just will make the turkey like nothing is wrong ... Everything is wrong ! His complete blankness to this pain he is causing me is annoying as hell. He seems so smug . i really just want the smack the smug off his face with a chair. But I would not do that . So I'm in my car trying to be alright. 
            Living with my stbx I knew would be difficult , but it is much more difficult then I imagined. It's almost like he wants me to smile like I used to on thanksgiving . I smile at my son but when my son isn't around I just have a stone cold look on me I am sure. Am I supposed to act happy because he is making a turkey ? Ugh !  I have to focus on the bills get them in order before he leaves. But meanwhile this is the sacrifice I have to make to help myself survive , live with him a little longer. 
       Well I really hope that those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving have a good day. I will do my best to make this day a little less negative for myself , maybe another hour in the car .