Hey guys,
It's been a while since my last journal writing. I have been so busy since mid August. I was laying here on my couch watching TV tonight and it occurred to me that Justin is not coming back. I know this sounds like a weird statement but I do believe that it's just now sinking in. As much as I've tried to understand and accept his death, I imagine what it would be like to see him, hug him or laugh with him one more time. My other son, Jeremy said to me tonight that he knew immediately after his death that Justin was at peace because the pain was gone. He said you know, I always felt his pain but I always hoped he would figure it out. I realized then that the bond they had was so special. I did feel immediately that he was at peace also but it's my pain that I felt and still feel. It's almost like I feel like I have one foot in heaven and one foot on earth. I do want to have peace too but oh how I look forward to seeing him again..
I'm looking forward to coming to the retreat and meeting some of you. Thanks for listening,
Love and hugs,
Deanie
It's been a while since my last journal writing. I have been so busy since mid August. I was laying here on my couch watching TV tonight and it occurred to me that Justin is not coming back. I know this sounds like a weird statement but I do believe that it's just now sinking in. As much as I've tried to understand and accept his death, I imagine what it would be like to see him, hug him or laugh with him one more time. My other son, Jeremy said to me tonight that he knew immediately after his death that Justin was at peace because the pain was gone. He said you know, I always felt his pain but I always hoped he would figure it out. I realized then that the bond they had was so special. I did feel immediately that he was at peace also but it's my pain that I felt and still feel. It's almost like I feel like I have one foot in heaven and one foot on earth. I do want to have peace too but oh how I look forward to seeing him again..
I'm looking forward to coming to the retreat and meeting some of you. Thanks for listening,
Love and hugs,
Deanie
Replies
Deanie,
It is difficult when you finally realize that your beloved son is not coming back. It is not weird, I remember it too. My two sons had a special bond as well and my younger son and I formed a tight bond when his older brother left this earth. It was truly hard on us all. It has now been six years. It seems much longer but also seems like yesterday. I won\'t be at the retreat this year but am so glad you are getting to meet some of the other moms.
Sending love,
Leda
I believe we have to feel this way for as long as we need to... For me it felt as if it took a very long time for the heart and mind to integrate my son\'s loss. If I had felt the full magnitude of it all at once I would have imploded. There are still moments that I sense Douglas will come walking in and wrap his arms around me or call and ask, \"What\'s for dinner?\" Deepest of sighs...
Please know that everything you are feeling is so deeply understood and what a thrill for you to be able to attend your first retreat, Deanie. I have been to several and the friendships that are formed are life sustaining on so many levels.
Gentle care as you walk this path none of us ever remember signing up for, yet here we are and together it feels lighter just knowing that others are here holding our hands and hearts.
I appreciate reading how you are feeling and one moment, one breath and one day at a time is what the moms who are a few steps further down the path told me to try to do and it has been a lifesaver.
Heartfelt (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
It\'s only been 23 months and I still can\'t believe it! I just know I will get a phone call from my daughter and all of this heartache will disappear!!! Reality is a word I have come to hate....one day @ a time; one breath @ a time - until I see my Jennifer again....Love how you wrote, one foot here and one foot in heaven..that\'s how I feel too! I\'m so sorry- (((((hugs)))) Vicki
We are always here to listen...come anytime. I\'m so happy that you will be coming to the retreat. I look forward to meeting you my new friend.
Hugs of understanding & compassion....Vicki
This is the one place where that sounding weird WON\"T happen. We get it. Our reality is that our children are gone from our sight...but never gone from our heart or soul. And...just because we know our children are at peace doesn\'t mean that we don\'t miss them. I knew Alex was fine...it was me...it was my family and friends that had to endure the sorrow. You are doing the work of grief...and you are doing well. I can\'t wait to see you at the retreat...it has been so many years since I have seen you! How long have you been away from Rowan County? Love and gentle hugs friend...
Karen,
We moved from Spencer in 1991. So it\'s been 24 years? Wow it\'s been a long time. I\'m looking forward to reconnecting but I\'m sorry for both of us that this is bringing us back together. I miss my hometown very much.
Deanie, I am looking forward to meeting you next week. Safe travels.
Tight hugs,
Diane