tired

My dad has been in Baptist Hospital since 8am Monday morning.  they had scheduled the surgery to take place at 8:30 and they got to it at around 11am.  The doctor came out trying to act all positive while saying his lung was "very abnormal" and that it was so hard that they could hardly get the staple gun to go through it.  Today is Thursday.  He was supposed to have come home yesterday but his lung will not re inflate.  I am very upset about it,  they have left a tube in his lung that is causing him pain and causing his blood pressure to rise.  I feel inconsolable.  I cannot be with my family when they need me the most because I have to stay here in this God Awful place doing God Awful things to families.  I really wish it would all end.  The Buddhists always say, you could die today, there is no guarantee that you will not die today.  I wish I could. I'm tired. I wish I could.