Day 86

I think about all of the time and money I spent at casinos sometimes. It's a strange thing -- part of me can't believe something as inane as a game had such a pull over me that I would spend 10-20 hours each week and entire paychecks there, whereas another part of me longs to go back at times.
I didn't even think I was addicted when I self-banned. I thought it was a potential problem, but it wasn't until I started reading this forum and then reading books on gambling addiction that I realized I was not only a problem gambler, I was a pathological gambler.
My old life is gone, and a new one is reborn from it. It is hard and sad and painful at times, but I know I should never roll dice or take another hit at blackjack ever again. It's too raw. Too painful. Too fun, to the point where it is addicting for me. 
I've always wanted to be the best at anything I do seriously. Gambling is not something to which I should have ever tried to apply that energy.