I don't get she broke up with me. I'm not right for her. I'm not enough for her. She needs 5 different people to love her. Mine was never enough. I can't open up to her. I can let the floodgates open like I used to. I can't let that amount of love through. I can't be hurt again. I can't be toyed with again. I'm a fucking confused wreck. I thought we could handle friends but that's not true. At least on my part. I loved her too much and she brings back memories of the good times which hurt the most to remember. Yes I still have most of the pictures she sent me except. Yes I love her. No I can't show it. I can't trust her. I can barely trust myself with her. I censor and say things i don't mean because she needs to find someone better. Better than me. Better than dylan. Although they do well together I guess. I do my best to hold it together when texting her but I'm losing it now. I'm such a fuck up. I'm broke I'm only going to have a job for another week or so. Then I'm completely fucked. I'm losing it. It's finally happening. I'm about to snap. I can feel it. I need to hold it together. Just 3 more months. That's it. That's all I have to wait. 3 more months.  Train 95%. 3 months. 3 months.