I feel hollow not numb but kinda like a step beyond that. Kinda like I'm on autopilot acting and mimicking the emotions and responses I know people want to see. My biggest problem is I am too flexible.  Nothing really seeks to matter anymore. I have no direction or desire anymore. I can't find a job where I make a livable wage because my birth certificate and social security card have been missing for almost 2 years now. I make between 4 and 5 dollars an hour doing landscaping for a some guy who works out of the back of his truck. That pays for the gas to meet up with him and liquid for my vape pen and that's about it.  My life literally has no meaning anymore. Yes there are a few people who love me but my hatred for myself outweighs that simply because I hate the fact they love me and care about me.I'm starting to outline notes in my head and ways to go which is extremely calming for some reason. I've been doing a lot of self reflecting lately all of which points to the fact that all I do is cause people pain. Which is the exact opposite of what I want. I'm not sure where to go from here.  3 months and I'll be homeless. What's the point of living when there is no joy?