I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. One thing is how my grandfather would probably react if he found out about me or jess. He would probably kick me out and just dismiss it as a phase for Jessica.
my grandmother has been under a lot of stress lately. Both her and my grandfather have been at each other's throats since Saturday. She came into my room and almost burst into tears. She talked about how she is on the verge of losing it and how I should leave before she does because then I would be stuck with the girls. My grandfather thinks it has to do with money but the truth is that, that is only part of it. Yeah him watching every penny spent is really getting to my grandmother but also his overbearing nature. He needs to know what everyone is saying about anything or else he gets mad. I understand where my grandmother is coming from because it is beginning to seem like we are all living to please him or at least keep him from being unhappy like the rest of us. He talks about how he only has enough money to last 10 more years. Sadly my grandmother's life expectancy is only around 9 years while his is around 12 years. Both jess and Kayla think he is always mad at them and he wonders why jess just locks herself in her room and Kayla wants nothing to do with him. He has control issues. He never learned or had to learn how to control his emotions so when he is upset everyone knows it even when he thinks he is hiding it. I am currently afraid of what my grandmother is going to do. She has depression and I think she may be on the verge of suicidal at this point. Not going to lie. It really scares me to think of her feeling the need to end her life this far into it. I don't know what I would do if that happened. She wants me to go visit my girlfriend but I am afraid to now because I feel like she is waiting for me to leave before executing her plan. She is very similar to me in that we both think the same way and that is how I had planned it so many times before. Make sure no one is around to stop you and ensure that certain people won't find you.
So yeah some difficult subjects to think about and I am pretty much tapped out emotionally. So that's all I'm gonna write about for now.
my grandmother has been under a lot of stress lately. Both her and my grandfather have been at each other's throats since Saturday. She came into my room and almost burst into tears. She talked about how she is on the verge of losing it and how I should leave before she does because then I would be stuck with the girls. My grandfather thinks it has to do with money but the truth is that, that is only part of it. Yeah him watching every penny spent is really getting to my grandmother but also his overbearing nature. He needs to know what everyone is saying about anything or else he gets mad. I understand where my grandmother is coming from because it is beginning to seem like we are all living to please him or at least keep him from being unhappy like the rest of us. He talks about how he only has enough money to last 10 more years. Sadly my grandmother's life expectancy is only around 9 years while his is around 12 years. Both jess and Kayla think he is always mad at them and he wonders why jess just locks herself in her room and Kayla wants nothing to do with him. He has control issues. He never learned or had to learn how to control his emotions so when he is upset everyone knows it even when he thinks he is hiding it. I am currently afraid of what my grandmother is going to do. She has depression and I think she may be on the verge of suicidal at this point. Not going to lie. It really scares me to think of her feeling the need to end her life this far into it. I don't know what I would do if that happened. She wants me to go visit my girlfriend but I am afraid to now because I feel like she is waiting for me to leave before executing her plan. She is very similar to me in that we both think the same way and that is how I had planned it so many times before. Make sure no one is around to stop you and ensure that certain people won't find you.
So yeah some difficult subjects to think about and I am pretty much tapped out emotionally. So that's all I'm gonna write about for now.
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