I kinda just want to die. She saw what happens when I shut down. I become cold and I can come off as mean. Just.. leave.. me.. alone.. is what she said. This is how I know I'm not enough for her. If I was it's obvious she wouldn't feel the need to basically tell me to fuck off. I seriously wonder if she wouldn't be happier with someone else. Not fucktards Dylan or corey but real guys that know how to treat a woman and without my fucked up issues would be preferable. I don't know that's probably just my abandonment issues. Thinking I'm not good enough for her so she wants to leave. I'm fucking pathetic.  Just because my mother hated me I have these issues 20 years later that have such an impact on my life. I'm so tired and feel absolutely drained from this experience.  Anywho long story short I hate myself even more than I used to because I upset the one woman I care about. The one woman I would do anything for. My soulmate.